Murphy's Computer Laws
Important
Computing Rules
- When computing, whatever happens behave as though you
mean it to happen
- When you get to the point where you really understand
your computer, its probably obsolete.
- The first place to look for information is in the section
of the manual where you least expect to find it.
- When the going gets tough, upgrade.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite
malfunction.
- To err is human...to blame your computer for your
mistakes is even more human, it is dowright natural.
- He who laughs last probably made a back-up.
- If at first you dont succeed, blame your server.
- A complex system that does not work is invariably found
to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just
fine.
- The number one cause of computer problems is computer
solutions.
- A computer program will always do what you tell it to do,
but rarely what you want to do.
Murphy's Computer Laws
- No matter how many resources you have, it is never enough.
- Any cool program always requires more memory than you
have.
- When you finally buy enough memory, you will not have
enough disk space.
- Disks are always full. It is futile to try to get more
disk space.
- Data expands to fill any void.
- If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk
space, it is guaranteed to crash.
- If such a program has not crashed yet, it is waiting for
a critical moment before it crashes.
- No matter how good of a deal you get on computer
components, the price will always drop immediately after
the purchase.
- All components become obsolete.
- The speed with which components become obsolete is
directly proportional to the price of the component.
- Software bugs are impossible to detect by anybody except
the end user.
Murphy's
Hardware Laws
- The maintenance engineer will never have seen a model
quite like yours before.
- It is axiomatic that any spares required will have just
been
- discontinued and will be no longer in stock.
- Any VDU, from the cheapest to the most expensive, will
protect twenty cent fuse by blowing first.
- Any manufacturer making his warranties dependent upon the
device
- being earthed will only supply power cabling with two
wires.
- If a circuit you build requires n components, then there
will be only n - 1 components in locally-held stocks.
- A failure in a device will never appear until it has
passed final
- inspection.
Murphy's
Laws on Technology
- You can never tell which way the train went by looking at
the track.
- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong
conclusion with confidence.
- Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do
not understand.
- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and
less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.
- Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe
and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on
it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
- All great discoveries are made by mistake.
- The first myth of management is that is exists.
- A failure will not appear until the unit has passed final
inspection.
- Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting
in an honest day's work.
- Some people manage by the book, even they don't know who
wrote the book, or even what book.
- To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job
will take the longest and cost the most.
- After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said
than done.
- Any system which depends on human reliability is
unreliable.
- The only perfect science is hindsight.
- If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.
- When all else fails, read the instructions.
- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong,
the one that will cause the most damage will be the one
to go wrong.
- When any instrument is dropped, it will roll into the
least accessible corner.
- Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated
way.
- The degree of technical competence is inversely
proportional to the level of management.
- Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool
will want to use it.
- After all is said and done, a lot more is said than done.
- Any circuit design must contain at least one part which
is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three
parts which are still under development.
- If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
- If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
- The degree of technical competence is inversely
proportional to the level of management.
More of Murphy's Computer Laws
- Cann's Axiom: When all else fails, read the
instructions.
- Deadline-Dan's Demon: Every task takes twice as
long as you think it will take. If you double the
time you think it will take, it will actually take four
times as long.
- Estridge's Law: No matter how large and
standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.
- Franklin's Rule: Blessed is the end user who
expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Gilb's Laws of Unreliability:
- At the source of every error which is blamed on the
computer you will find at least two human errors,
including the error of blaming it on the computer.
- Any system which depends on human reliability is
unreliable.
- Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast
to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
- Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds
the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on
getting some useful work done.
Hind's Laws of Computer Programming:
- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
- If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Any given program will expand to fill all available
memory.
- The value of a program is proportional to the weight of
its output.
- Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability
of the programmer who must maintain it.
- Make it possible for programmers to write programs in
English, and you will find that programmers cannot write
in English.
Hoare's Law: Inside every complex and unworkable
program is a useful routine struggling to get out.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can
use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics: Things get worse under
pressure.
Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules: The first
ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and
the last ten percent takes the other ninety percent.
Nixon's Theorem: The man who can smile when things go
wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Peer's Law: The solution to a problem changes the
problem.
Rhodes' Corollary to HHH Theories of Adaptation:
- After months of training and you finally understand all
of a program's commands, a revised version of the program
arrives with an all-new command structure.
- After designing a useful routine that gets around a
familiar bug in the system, the system is
revised, the bug is taken away, and y'ou left
with a useless routine.
- Effort in improving a program's user
friendliness invariably leads to work in improving
the user's computer literacy.
- Thats not a bug, thats a feature!
Weinberg's Law: If builders built buildings the way
programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that came
along would destroy civilization.
Wood's Axiom: As soon as a still-to-be-finished
computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.
Troutman's Programming Postulates
- If the test installation functions perfectly, all
subsequent runs will fail.
- The most harmful error of any program will not be
discovered until the program has been in production for
at least six months.
- A Batch Stream that can not be arranged in improper order
will be.
- Constants aren't.
- Variables won't.
- Interchangeable Tapes don't.
- Profanity is the one language that all programmers know
the syntax of.
Gilb's Laws Of Unreliability
- Computers are unreliable. Humans are worse.
- Any system which depends on human reliability is
unreliable.
- Undetectable error are infinite in variety. Detectable
errors do not exist, unless deadline is less than three
hours away.
- Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds
the probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on
getting some real work done.
Brook's Law
Any manpower added to a late project makes it later.
Laws Of Computerdum According To Golub
- Fuzzy project objectives are used to avoid the
embarrassment of estimating the corresponding costs.
- Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to
complete than expected.
- Carefully planned projects take only three times longer
to complete than expected.
- Programmers detest weekly status reporting because it so
vividly manifests their lack of progress.
Lubarsky's Law Of Cybernetic Entomology
There is always one more bug.
Shaw's Principle
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
use it.
Ibm Pollyanna Principle
Machines should work. People should think.
Gray's Law Of Programming
"n+1" trivial tasks are expected to be accomplished
in the same time as "n" trivial tasks.
Logg's Rebuttal To Gray's Law
"n+1" trivial tasks take twice as long as "n"
trivial tasks.
Weinberg's Second Law
If builders built building the way that programmers program
programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy
civilization.
Murphy's 1st Computer Law
Murphy never would have used computers, but would have loved
them.
Bove's Theorem
The remaining work required in order to finish a project
increases as the deadline approaches.
Brook's Law
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Canada Bill Jones' Motto
It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their
money.
Cann's Axiom
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Clark's Third Law
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable
from Magic.
Deadline Dan's Demo Demonstration
Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take. If
you double the time you think it will take, it will actually take
four times as long.
Demian's Observation:
There is always one item on the screen menu that is
mislabelled and should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER
HERE."
Dr. Caligar's Comeback
Disk errors occur only after you've done several hours of
work without making a backup.
Thomas Watson's Law
No matter how large and standardized the marketplace, IBM can
re-define it.